Clarity

I yearn for clarity.  I long to feel at ease with my mind.  This month, if i was still carrying I would be giving birth to my child.  Instead, I’ve had three miscarriages and it is a daily struggle to overcome the sadness.  So, I write.  Hoping that within this writing process I will find clarity.  I know I am not alone in these thoughts and that is somewhat comforting.

Find me on: Instagram and Facebook

Here are a few of my latest pieces:

w1

This piece is for my Mister, he makes me yearn for more of life’s beauty.

w2

You are not ever responsible for the ignorance of others.

w3 w4

I’m sure many of us have been down this road.  Is it worth it?

Miriama C.T © 2014

Love & laughter,
Curly Miri.

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How I Met Mister

Our First Dinner Date at Da Sette Soldi (with my hair straightened)

Mister makes me laugh.  That’s where the attraction began when I first met him in March of 2010.  We were both on holiday in Samoa.  He was visiting family.  I was on a much needed getaway.  On my last night in Samoa before heading to the airport for my 11pm flight, I decided to go out to dinner with my aunt at a hotel in town as they had a live band playing.  I wanted to enjoy the sweet sound of Samoan music before heading back to New Zealand.

My aunt invited a few of her friends, we enjoyed dinner and ordered drinks.  As I sipped away at my Pina Colada; enter Mister. Mister and his acquaintance approached our table to say hi to my aunt who works with his brother. My first thought-such a handsome man.  My aunt asked him and his friend to join our table, he sat across from me and we started talking and laughing.  Within only a few minutes of meeting he managed to fill my heart with a refounding sense of joy.

We ignored everyone else at our table as we engaged in meaningful conversation.  We talked about our dreams, and our varying perspectives of culture.  He moved from sitting across the table, to right next to me and told me I was gorgeous.  Four hours of  conversation came to an abrupt end as I told him I had to leave to catch my flight back to Auckland.  I was grateful that we both lived in the same town and we’d be seeing each other again.  He offered to take me to the airport but I already had a taxi waiting.  I gave him my number.  He gave me his number, address, and e-mail address-this made me laugh and to this day I still have the piece of paper with his details.

We always discuss our chance meeting.  If we had not gone to the hotel that night we would have never met.  Although we reside in the same town we doubt we would have met otherwise, as we have different interests, career paths and different social backgrounds and we frequent very dissimilar places in Auckland.  When I ask Mister to tell me the story of how we met he always starts by saying, “You looked beautiful, wearing a red flower in your hair and a blue strapless dress.”  I remember his smile as I left for the airport that night.

Mister flew back to NZ a week later and asked me out to coffee.   We still visit the same cafe for our coffee dates.  I am so blessed to be loved by such a kind and beautiful man.  We’ve been living together for over two years, every day learning from each other, and building our life together with love.
And yes, he still makes me laugh.

Love & laughter,
Curly Miri

Thursday Treats

1.  Coffee Date with Mister.  Mocha with a banana berry muffin.

2.  The mustard cardigan I’m wearing on my coffee date with Mister reminds me of these beautiful autumn leaves I captured today.

3.

 Thrift purchase:  Floral Blazer-Made In New Zealand by Betty R Designs.
As soon as I saw the floral pattern I had to buy it, and at $10-a great buy!  It reminds me of this ASOS Premium Quilted Jacket.

4.  This week was full of tasty treats.

Salmon Eggs Benedict: I always ask for a hash brown on the side, an odd combination but one of my favourites on the breakfast menu at Hollywood Cafe.

Mister surprised me with these devine chocolates as seen in this post.

A melting moment devoured in less than four minutes, so yummy!  A treat from The Coffee Club.

Mister and I checked out Hong Kong Bakery.  Our relatives have  raved about their delicacies so we had to try it ourselves.  I picked the coconut scroll and apple raisin danish-oh my goodnes, melt in your mouth deliciousness!

5.

 My sister shared this photo of herself sliding down the stairs on her mattress.  This made me laugh and reminded me of a childhood memory; everytime my brother and I went to McDonald’s we used the plastic trays on the playground slide, fun times!

Love & laughter,
Curly Miri

Dinner Is On Me

My love and I went out to dinner last night.  As we entered the restaurant I noticed many patrons looking intently at a couple in the middle of the dining area.  I couldn’t help but stare too.  The guy-tall, slim and incredibly good looking and his gorgeous girlfriend ate away, laughing and holding hands.  We took our seats and Mister told me to stop staring, but I couldn’t.  The girl sitting at the table next to us laughed at the couple, “Omg, she’s so fat, how did she get a hot guy like that?” At that very moment, in a Hollywood-like movie gesture, and as if to flip off his audience, he stroked his girlfriend’s face and uttered such a sweet symphony, “You’re so beautiful, baby.  I’m so lucky to have you.”

So justifiably, laughing girl shut her face.  I admired their strength as a couple and a torrent of memories washed over me.  I was once in her shoes.  I was the plus size girl that people stared at as I dined with my ex, a 6’4 American with looks that have been compared to the likes of Leo Dicaprio (I disagree, personality can make a person so ugly).

Over six years ago I was in an unhealthy relationship.  I lost my sense of self, the weight piled on and my self esteem plummeted.  On numerous occasions, when I went out with the ex people would stare, laugh or even flirt with him right in front of my face.  “He’s going to leave you if you don’t take care of yourself and lose weight,” an aunt would say at every family gathering.  Needless to say, this aunt is single and almost 50.

I have been left to wonder, why does my weight have to define what I am deserving of?  It doesn’t.  A few years ago I could rock skinny jeans in a size 10 (US 8).  However, my relationship with ex-Leo made me feel like such utter shit that I ate myself to a size 20 (US 18).  Our relationship ended and within a year I was size 12 (US 10).  I’ve been called fat and it’s not being called fat that bothered me.  I’m concerned for the idiot calling me fat because their brain does not register the fact that there is more to me than my weight.  I am a person of worth.

I have grown up with six beautiful sisters (one biological sister, the rest first cousins.  Our mother’s are sisters) all of whom are far from plus size.  This is due to genetics, my maternal grandfather is Chinese.

Sisters & Me in the middle

 

Sisters & Me-I’m in the middle (curly hair)

I adore my sisters because my weight has never been an issue to them and they love me as I am.  If you surround yourself with loving people, this will only further your appreciation of self and your sense of worth.  Being beautiful is not about weight or how others perceive you; it is about how you perceive yourself and how you project yourself to others.

I’m now rockin’ a size 16 (US 14).  Society considers this to be ‘plus size’.  I have spent a copious amount of time debating with myself; “Should I lose weight?”

I have reached a point of realization.  I will maintain a healthy lifestyle but I will not let my weight define who I am.  As long as I don’t accumulate rolls that lead me to the danger of tumbling down a hill, I will embrace who I am rather than what weight I am.

Let me show you.

Love & laughter,
Curly Miri