It has been five years since I lay on our bed, wishing for my tears to wash over me and numb the pain felt in the depth of my being; allowing me to sleep forever. You left, with three boxes of your belongings and that stupid television I told you was a waste of space. My heart felt like it had been ripped from my body. Every breath ached with lonesome sharpness and I yearned for you to just return and hold me, even if your arms were of lies and deceit. Every morning, you greeted me with the stench of foul whiskey. Every night, I waited for you to come home, you never did because you were with her.

I remember you once referred to our love as the essence of Imzadi. Bullshit.

The thought of you no longer crosses my mind.  I should be happy about that but then I feel I’m betraying the rare occasions of bliss that we did experience.

The day I moved on from all that was us, I swore that I would not ever let another man make me cry or yearn for comfort that should be rightfully mine.  I lied.

Curly Miri © 2014

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One of my favourite photo’s that my sister took of me at the Auckland Botanic Gardens (maybe 2 years ago). It shows that one can always rise above the pain to breathe in beauty.

Love & laughter,
Curly Miri
(Miriama C.T.)


22 thoughts on “Imzadi

  1. For some reason my stupid phone keeps saying loading so I can’t push LIKE but this is amazing writing. I think we all can relate to some of your words at one time in our lives. Thank you for such a honest glimpse inside your heart♡

  2. It is rare to not only find a specific taste of writing that parallels your own thoughts on a subject but also a piece that has been written in such a way, that it sparkles off the page. It might be a grey colour of sadness but there is this respite in your words; as there is a solemn thought or two. Beautiful piece. Many hugs your way.

    • I am grateful for the connection we share with regard to heartache. Writing is the only way I can make sense of why I remained. And yet, I still don’t know the answer to be honest. Sure, I have learned from such experiences but sometimes I wish the haunting sense of sadness would just leave, damn love. Thank you for kind words. I appreciate you xxx

      • I know *hugs. The truth of it all is that there is only a void while we go though this transitional period. In the meantime though, we get to connect as poets and writers. That alone can make us feel… loved 🙂 Your words do touch others here. Oh and I have added you on Twitter 😀

      • Thank you for your kind words. I love the connections made through writing and I am so glad to have crossed paths with you. I have added you on Twitter, I don’t use it as much as I do Instagram though. Lots of love xxx

    • It has taken 5 years to get to this point and finding the strength has been a difficult road. I have overcome so much but still feel wounded and without strength. Thank you for your kind words xxx

  3. “The day I moved on from all that was us, I swore that I would not ever let another man make me cry or yearn for comfort that should be rightfully mine. I lied.”

    Reminds me of the lyrics of a song: the heart is not so smart, goes where it should not go . . .

    Beautifully written.

  4. This post touched me because I know the pain of a failed relationship. The Imzadi reference was lost on me, but it caused me to research the meaning. Once I read the meaning I got it! I love Star Trek Next Generation, but never knew what this meant. Thanks for making me think and foe sharing such personal, heart felt emotions.

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