Infidelity On Your Doorstep

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A friend, *Michael is having an affair with a married woman.  On the outside looking in he has a promising career, and a beautiful home with a loving wife and children.  He lives a facade of joy with a married woman who also has children of her own.  His moments of happiness with the other woman are overshadowed by a realistic sense of disloyalty and disdain.

The following interview encompasses only one perspective of a man’s infidelity.  I was with an unfaithful spouse in a previous relationship so I was unsure of how I would feel about what Michael had to share, but I still had to ask.

This interview is a curious glance into the life of a man having an affair.

*Names have been changed.

The Interview:

How did you meet the other woman?

*Lisa was my high school sweetheart.  At one point we contemplated marriage however my parents didn’t approve of our relationship so we went our separate ways.  

When did the affair begin?

Five years ago at a party, I saw Lisa out with our mutual friends.  We partied all night together and I ended up in her bed while her husband was out of town.  We’ve been seeing each other on and off again for the last five years.  In the last two years we’ve seen each other once a month as she lives overseas.

Why are you having an affair?

The feeling of being with another woman gives me a sense of excitement and thrill.  My wife and I, we’re complete strangers in our home and we haven’t even slept in the same bed for over a year.   I’ve always fantasized about having sex with Lisa from when we were together in high school.  It’s not always about sex though, we can talk for hours and we make each other laugh.  We share moments like these that are lost with my wife.

Do you ever think about the consequences of the affair?

Yes, of course.   I know that I could lose my family, my wife and everything that I own like my house, but I can’t stop.  Lisa makes me  feel so much of what I don’t ever feel with my wife and at the end of the day she goes back to her life and I go back to mine.  It’s a convenient relationship.  Lisa works a high profile role in government and if our affair ever became public the implications on her career and her personal life would be drastic.

How do you feel about your wife?

Of course,  I would do anything for her and our children but in any relationship there are four important concepts of success: money, sex, compromise and communication.  I know that I cheat on my wife because our marriage doesn’t have any of these four aspects, it never has.

What does the future entail for you and Lisa?

I dont’ see a future with Lisa as she has her own career, her husband and children.  I could say even though it sounds blunt, that I’m only with her for the sex, the thrill and convenience of the relationship we have together.

Do you feel like you are living two separate lives?

Indeed.  It does get tiresome and my stress levels have sky-rocketed as I’m constantly lying to my wife.  I do feel a sense of guilt but obviously its not enough to make me stop.  I just can’t stop.

Where does your family and her family come into all of this?

Nobody knows about our affair.  Lisa and I have discussed ending our affair because we know it’s not right and we both have careers that we need to focus on.  

Will you tell your wife about the affair?

Probably not.  At times I wish she would just find out so  we could get over the fake charade of a marriage that we display to our family and friends.

If you could go back ,would you do anything different?

The problem is, Lisa has always been on my mind since high school.  She was the girl I wanted to marry.  I look at my wife and I see a stranger and I wonder how long I’ve been living this lie.  I know that this affair will cause a lot of damage, but I also know that my relationship with my wife needs to end regardless of this affair because our marriage is unhappy, and unhealthy.  However, I know that this does not justify having an affair.

Why are you still with your wife if you are unhappy?

Our marriage is convenient.  People look at us and think that we’re the perfect couple, living in a beautiful house with two children and two dogs.  I only married my wife because she fell pregnant with our child at the age of eighteen and I felt obligated to be a man and step up to the role of fatherhood.  I’ve had a successful career for the past six years and I’ve built a home for my family, and I don’t want divorce to take away all that I’ve worked hard for.

Where to from here, Michael?

I know that my relationship with Lisa has to end.  I also know that I can’t keep lying to my wife or stay married to her.  I’m meeting Lisa at the end of the month and although I’d like to say that I want to finish our affair, it’s difficult because every time I see Lisa I’m reminded of  so many happy memories we’ve shared together.   Lisa has asked me to leave my wife and has said that she’ll leave her husband but there is too much at stake.  I can’t just throw away the five years we’ve had together.  I just can’t let her go.

Love & laughter,
Curly Miri


32 thoughts on “Infidelity On Your Doorstep

  1. i have always wanted to know the inside story of a married mansluts life. lol. goodluck to micheals wife. i hope in this situation his kids don’t get hurt by his stupidness.

  2. i can completely relate to this post as i’ve just gone through infidelity with my former girlfriend. trust me it hurts. great interview about a sensitive topic

  3. Hmmm…. I can actually relate to all three, Michael, Lisa and his wife (maybe four, her husband) – I know how it feels to to be in a convenient marriage and to seek that “thrill” – do I think there will be a happy ending ? No. Do I personally condemn Michael or Lisa ? I actually don’t… society should not put a label on who is doing what with whom. Ultimately everyone has to make their own decision and as long as their are owning up once the consequences come knocking – hey… that’s life. Thanks for posting…

    • There are always so many more pieces to the puzzle. I actually have a gut feeling that Michael’s wife knows of the affair and she chooses not to leave because the material possessions (beautiful home, European cars, dogs, designer clothes & bags etc) are of more value to her than marriage. I agree, for every action is a consequence and it will not end as Michael desires. Thank you for sharing your perspective.

  4. This is the harsh reality… *Michael tries to portray himself as a man helplessly in love and loyally devoted to his family at the same time. But when I saw his ‘concepts of success -money, sex, compromise and communication’ I know why his marriage failed. There is no ‘love, respect, companionship and friendship’ in there. I know families that have survived through penniless years… Come on *Michael… who’re you kidding!
    Great interview though. Very crisp and unbiased…

  5. I know that Michael truly believes he is a provider for his family, however I would take an honest and faithful man over the money any day. Indeed, his marriage was always out of convenience, no sense of friendship at all. Thank you for sharing your view.

  6. I am not yet married, but I have seen a lot of broken marriages, as I am from one. 😦 Although my views are very far from what these people in my life.. they are a constant reminder of what could happen in my future. I think I don’t have a commitment issue, but being left by people in my life seem to take a toll on me. I am a very happy person, but sometimes I get too emotional. Anyway this is a great read. 🙂

    • Thank you for sharing. I understand the fear of looking ahead when the past has left you feeling neglected. My hope for you is to embrace the happy person you are.

  7. This is as real as it gets. These things do happen, and everyday. It takes real commitment not only to make a marriage work, but to make it work well, and many of us will quickly give in to distractions that make us feel happy, worthwhile, and good about ourselves especially when our relationship feels old and ordinary. I enjoyed the read.

    • Indeed, such distractions are detrimental. I believe if the ‘cheater’ placed the effort of seeking a ‘thrill’ in their own relationship they would find they would not need to seek the thrill elsewhere. The effort placed in another person that is not your wife/husband is only a temporary and dishonest sense of excitement. I remember Michael saying that he loves taking Lisa out to the movies, the theatre, and taking her out to pick out lingerie. He has never done this with his own wife, so essentially that thrill factor cannot be attained in his own marriage. Thank you for sharing your perspective.

  8. No matter who you’re with and how much fun you think you’re having, the toilet still needs to be scrubbed, laundry washed and bills paid. His life is a lie. It makes me tired just to think about it.

  9. A classic – *Michael’s lines could have come from a hundred movie scripts. I wonder what’s in the head of his wife. Sounds like you’re not too fond of her, but if she admitted to what she thought and felt deep down, it would be interesting to see the other side. As others have said, an excellent interview. And I love the last comment and your reply!

    • Hi Arabella, indeed I do wonder what is going on in both of their heads. I am neutral with the wife, she is not naive or completely oblivious to what goes on around her. I think she knows that *Michael is being unfaithful however she chooses to stay. I stayed with a man for four years knowing that he was not faithful, I blame noone else for my stupidity (to put it bluntly). I had the choice to stay or leave. Thankfully I did leave, even if it was four years later. Thank you for your comment. It would be fair to hope that all men wash their undies, lol! 🙂

  10. Affairs of the heart are difficult to sort out. It was a good read. It is sad to read that he see no futrue in his marriage. They started out feeling obligated rather than working on giving to each other 100% regardless of how each feels. It would take a paradigm shift of the first magnitude but they could work at it and have a productive life together and the kids would never know the loss of divorce. I know from first hand experience about both. Thanks for the opportunity to read and now follow your blog. Thanks for stopping by mine.

    • Indeed, it is easy for people to follow the route of selfishness and forget that their is a viable and worthy solution. It is unfortunate to lose sight of what is most important. I hope that you have moved forward in happiness from your own experience. Thank you for sharing your perspective.

  11. Pingback: Thursday Treats | Curly Miri

  12. Wow, I love hearing different perspectives, and it is interesting how he admits that his guilt isn’t enough to make him stop. Most people know that, but don’t want to aknowledge that sometimes they like doing the wrong things and sometimes that over powers the guilt. Most people simply ignore the guilt and refuse to see it at all. It is sad to see that people do have marriages based on comfortability. In my family, we were broke in the first place so staying married for material things was never an issue. My parents got divorced because they didn’t feel that they functioned well together as a couple. and that was it. It is interesting to understand different social classes, and I do believe it is important to do so in order to have more grace on different kinds of people. Thanks for sharing this story. It really opened my eyes to another side of a well-known story.

    • Thank you for sharing your experience. I always find it intriguing when people can function and not feel guilty in their wrongdoing. I was talking to Mister about marriage and it seems our generation give up too easily. Mister’s parents were married for over 50 years, my parents 20+ years. Not perfect years but they believed in the concept of marriage regardless of material possessions and without the interference of infidelity. It seems values and morals become clouded when a persons desires become selfish.

      • It’s true. Nowadays, people simply divorce if things don’t go their way, yet they say they long for a long lasting marriage. Well, to get that long lasting marriage, you need to fight for it. It doesn’t come easy. Marriage isn’t supposed to be easy, it never is easy to take two separate lives and mixing them together. But it can be beautiful if one were to not give up.

      • Completely agree with you. Marriage can be beautiful if the bond were not ever taken for granted. Thank you so much for sharing your perspective.

  13. Great post! Very frank insights into the mind of a man having an affair – how he justifies it but at the same time recognizes the hypocrisy and deceit, trying to be true to his feelings but not being honest with his wife.
    In my work, I hear the stories from both sides – the partners who are swept away in affairs and the confused, angry or devastated partners at home.

  14. He really needs help since he appears to b in denial. I dont mean to b judgementak, but he is too obsessed with “what ive worked hard for five years” etc bs, which only makes him so selfish and unfair, despite how he wants to paint himself as a hardworking family man. If he were my father, I could potentially disown him. If you dont love her, quit. You cant have it all. And stop justfying cheating.

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