I Envy Your Pregnant Belly

I found out I had Polycystic Ovary Syndrome five years ago at age 22.  As I work towards establishing myself in other areas of life such as university and career options, I have neglected what I desire the most; a family of my own.  I had a miscarriage last year due to an ectopic pregnancy; an experience that I continuously reflect upon that not only upsets me but makes me angry.

I remember staying up late at night talking about plans for our child with Mister and the night we got the phone call with ultrasound results that changed our world of content into an indescribable ache.  I didn’t want to leave the house as I couldn’t contain the envy I felt towards every mother I saw walking around with a pregnant belly.  I constantly felt a sense of nostalgia as I envisioned holding my baby; the vision so numbing as every time I opened my eyes I realized my hands were empty.

Anger creeps in when I see so many people who have been gifted children but do not give a damn.  I know people who deliberately choose to have children and yet put in little effort to make sure their children grow with the utmost love and support.

Despite an unfortunate miscarriage, Mister and I still desire to have children.  Everything we have done in our relationship has been a foundation for having a family of our own.  We have spent so much time trying to grow our business and we have come to the agreement that financial stability is required in order to provide for our family.  However, we also agree that financial security is not the most important aspect of raising children.

Interesting Note:  Prior to meeting Mister I did not have a period for over four years (due to PCOS and general unhappiness with body and self).  As soon as our relationship started my periods came around every month like clock work; happiness and love really do make a difference to your physical well-being.

I am now left to wonder if PCOS will deprive me of my desire to have children of my own.  I’m grateful to have the support of Mister who has comforted me to know that once we are ready we’ll do everything we can to have a family of our own.


Love & laughter,
Curly Miri


11 thoughts on “I Envy Your Pregnant Belly

  1. My husband and I suffered two consecutive miscarriages before becoming proud, blessed parents to our wonderful 2-year-old boy. I know first-hand how devastating miscarriage is and what that envy pregnant belly envy can feel like. I wish you great peace, happiness and success moving forward.

    • Thank you so much for sharing. I have also had two miscarriages and I do fear trying again. It is such a blessing to know that after such pain and struggle you were gifted with a beautiful boy. When I hear about success stories like yours, it gives me hope. Thank you for your well wishes. Love your blog! I look forward to following your wonderful posts.

  2. I love your blog, and relate to so many of your posts (especially the food ones, because I looove to eat!). I had a miscarriage, too, and went on to have a healthy baby. I truly believe that you will one day have the belly (and the baby) you desire.

    • Thank you for your kind words. I’m happy to hear that after miscarriage you were gifted with a healthy baby. I look forward to having a belly with a baby not just full of all the food you’ve seen in my blog, lol. I love your blog, you have a great sense of humor. Thank you!

  3. This is touching.. I’m sorry! I know everything will be better, whether you will have your own children, or adopt. By the way, ever thought of that? You can adopt a newborn and raise him like he’s yours. Wish you all the best! Stay strong!

  4. This story is incredibly touching and I’m so sorry for the loss you two shared. My wish, for the both of you is that, when the time is right, god will grant you the wish you desire so much. It’s funny, how things seem to have a way of working out. Stay positive & never, ever give up hope!!

  5. I am so sorry to hear about your loss. There are some holistic health practioners who maybe able to assist you with the PCOS- Queen Afua, Ashe the Herb Lady also read up on natural cures for PCOS many have healed this condition naturally. Take care.

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