I found out I had Polycystic Ovary Syndrome five years ago at age 22. As I work towards establishing myself in other areas of life such as university and career options, I have neglected what I desire the most; a family of my own. I had a miscarriage last year due to an ectopic pregnancy; an experience that I continuously reflect upon that not only upsets me but makes me angry.
I remember staying up late at night talking about plans for our child with Mister and the night we got the phone call with ultrasound results that changed our world of content into an indescribable ache. I didn’t want to leave the house as I couldn’t contain the envy I felt towards every mother I saw walking around with a pregnant belly. I constantly felt a sense of nostalgia as I envisioned holding my baby; the vision so numbing as every time I opened my eyes I realized my hands were empty.
Anger creeps in when I see so many people who have been gifted children but do not give a damn. I know people who deliberately choose to have children and yet put in little effort to make sure their children grow with the utmost love and support.
Despite an unfortunate miscarriage, Mister and I still desire to have children. Everything we have done in our relationship has been a foundation for having a family of our own. We have spent so much time trying to grow our business and we have come to the agreement that financial stability is required in order to provide for our family. However, we also agree that financial security is not the most important aspect of raising children.
Interesting Note: Prior to meeting Mister I did not have a period for over four years (due to PCOS and general unhappiness with body and self). As soon as our relationship started my periods came around every month like clock work; happiness and love really do make a difference to your physical well-being.
I am now left to wonder if PCOS will deprive me of my desire to have children of my own. I’m grateful to have the support of Mister who has comforted me to know that once we are ready we’ll do everything we can to have a family of our own.
Love & laughter,